How I choose: I start with about 500 tweets that I’ve retweeted (I retweet what makes me laugh or makes me nod my head “Yes!”). I narrow that list down to about about 50-100 and give it to Steve (my husband), he narrows it down by at least half and I pick the 10 funniest from those. I only choose tweets tweeted during the month of September from people I follow and only one tweet chosen per person. I also include one of my own, so I can say that I’ve been on a list someplace with totally hilarious people.
If you’re on Twitter, show them you like their tweets by clicking on their retweet or star button, or by following them. They are FUNNY!
So, what’s going on with this Syria thing? *dips corn chips into belly button full of steamy nacho cheese*
— Naïve American (@Nahdude83) September 5, 2013
Me to wife: Why has this folded laundry been here for four days? And that’s how I got this bruise. — Bizarro Mark (@Bizarro_Mark) September 6, 2013
1 is throwing a fit bc I won’t let him eat Tide Pods. They HAD to design them to look like vibrant swirls …of sugary… *licks Tide Pod*
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 11, 2013
Diet plan specifics: 1. Create a new diet plan 2. Stick to it all morning 3. Celebrate at Burger King — Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) September 12, 2013
My favorite squash recipe: 1. Rinse and Peel Squash 2. Throw peels in the trash 3. Throw rest of squash in trash 4. Get tacos.
— Herzog’s Cooked Shoe (@aaronmcquiston) September 13, 2013
Im a sucker for creative marketing. For example, I have no idea what I’m going to do with all these Kotex U™ tampons but the box was so cool
— Donnie Fairburn (@Donnie_Fairburn) September 16, 2013
Camping seemed like a fun idea until I had to take a crap.
— Fred Pollack (@FredPollack) September 17, 2013
Sniffed my underwear. Regretted it. — Kalvin Macleod (@KalvinMacleod) September 19, 2013
Can I warm my hands in your butt crack? -a thing my son just said to me loudly in this restaurant. — AnotherBottleofWhine (@KateWhineHall) September 24, 2013
When I go to Starbucks, I tell them my name is ‘Gorgeous.’ “Hey Gorgeous, your coffee is ready!!” Best five bucks I ever spent. — Days of Wine & Yoda (@FabLife4) September 24, 2013
“Lemme put my thinking cap on” *puts on cap, farts for 5 minutes straight “That’s…obviously the wrong cap”
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) September 28, 2013
These people are hilarious. All of these tweets made me laugh. How about you?
Update: Tweets no longer in a Twitter block may mean the account has been deleted.
Here are links to the last few month’s Top 10 Funniest Tweets lists: