How I chose: I read over 5000 tweets this month and retweeted over 400 (I retweet what makes me laugh out loud, what I think is clever or what makes me nod my head, “Yes!”). I narrowed that list down to about 80 and give it to Steve (my husband). He narrowed it down to about 20 and I picked the 10 funniest from those. It’s really hard to pick only 10. Steve and I even have arguments sometimes because he’ll cut one of my favorites, and I’m all, you don’t even know.
I only chose tweets tweeted during the month of January from people I follow and only one tweet chosen per person. I also include one of my own, so I can say I’ve been on a list with freaking funny people.
If you’re on Twitter, show them you like their tweets by clicking on their retweet or star button, or by following them. They are FUNNY!
I said “triple whatevs” to my niece’s “double whatevs”. My niece says I lose cause I cared more about caring less. I’m getting a vasectomy.
— Woody (@WoodyLuvsCoffee) January 3, 2014
Some may call it a public display of affection, but I call it drinking a beer.
— Busted Flip Flops (@GrillinChillin9) January 3, 2014
I’m sensitive to gluten, dairy, peanuts. I also bruise easily and can’t stay out in the sun for long. Other than that I’m a total badass
— superman (@MrSandeepP) January 7, 2014
Having an oven with a light implies you can see through the window.
— Meatplow (@mrjohntofu) January 7, 2014
Checked my voicemail. I had a job interview in 1987 I didn’t even know about.
— Devon McRee (@RikNasty2Point0) January 11, 2014
I didn’t plan on an evening of marshmallows, beer & Dukes of Hazzard reruns but sometimes you just gotta let great things happen.
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) January 14, 2014
My heart says cheese dip but my jeans say for the love of god woman eat some celery.
— FleurDeLea (@celestinelea90) January 14, 2014
I sleep on the right side of the bed so I can pass the Dutch oven to the left hand side.
— MMMMMMark (@Eightinchgoat) January 19, 2014
Kids still won’t eat veggies . . . even though I served them up while doing jazz hands.
— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) January 23, 2014
I used to want to rock & roll all night & party everyday, but now I just want to watch Netflix and not drool on my pillow when I fall asleep
— AnotherBottleofWhine (@KateWhineHall) January 23, 2014
If you whisper “Jared sent me” to a Subway employee, they let you roll around in the lettuce.
— Dave (@SCBamaMan) January 27, 2014
All of these tweets made me (and Steve) laugh. How about you? Tell me in the comments.