I read about 7,000 tweets this month and made a list of my favorites. With the help of my husband, Steve, and my friend, Jeff of Jeff & Jill Went Up the Hill, we narrowed the list down to the 10 funniest tweeted during the month of July. Then I included one of my own to make it 11 because narcissist. Check it out!
Show these hilarious people your appreciation via RETWEET (people love to be RT’d), star or follow.
[at gang fight] "Hang on guys, I got this" *does a couple of sweet dance moves from the 'Beat It' video* *gets stabbed 9 times*
— El Knuckelhombre (@ElKnuckelhombre) July 2, 2015
If Toby Keith sees his shadow on the 4th of July, we get 6 more weeks of freedom
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) July 4, 2015
Put my swimsuit on 20 minutes ago and I'm already soaked. So far it's just from the tears but I'm going to get in the pool soon.
— Just Linda (@LindaInDisguise) July 5, 2015
A breakfast buffet at my funeral so people will be happy. But with soy bacon and chia seed pancakes so they know it's a time to grieve.
— Creed (@novicefather) July 7, 2015
My biggest fears are: -running out of chocolate -running out of coffee -running out of toilet paper -running
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 8, 2015
wife: whatcha thinking about? me: [mentally ranking each of the tinkerbell fairies in order of hotness] sports
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) July 13, 2015
I pronounced quinoa as "kwai-noah" at Whole Foods and 3 people spontaneously combusted while the rest of them wept.
— Aly Rhymes W/ Molly (@Ohhialypie) July 17, 2015
There are families who greet each other with a kiss on the lips and then there are families who are normal.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 21, 2015
My goldfish died. The good news is I’m inheriting a tiny treasure chest.
— Kevin Sussman (@KevinSussman) July 21, 2015
*ring* Her: Hello. 911 Me: I went poop and water splashed back up on me Her: Sir- Me: PLEASE HELP Her: Let me finish. Units are en route
— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) July 24, 2015
[in the hardware store] Me: Don't let him know you don't know what you're doing Clerk: Can I help you? Me: I'll take one hardware, please
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 26, 2015
All of these tweets made me laugh. How about you?
Links to previous Top 10 Funniest Tweets lists:
Want to read some of the funniest tweets about parenting from some of the funniest parents on Twitter? Check out the new The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets, available on Amazon. Or the original, The Big Book of Parenting Tweets.