I have the very funny @CruisinSoozan in the Beyond the Bio HoT seat today. She’s totally hilarious! If you’re not following her, you should be. Check her out!
On a sexy scale, from Gloria on Sesame Street to Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse,how do you feel today?
*lips on mic*
NATALIE FROM FACTS OF LIFE
— CandyWhore (@CruisinSoozan) September 30, 2016
Things to know about @CruisinSoozan
Living in: I live in a small city in rural Alberta, Canada.
Number of followers: Just over 6400. Not that I keep track. (I totally keep track.)
Year graduated high school: 1994.
Joined Twitter: I started in the summer of 2009. I fell in love with it instantly. Last summer I decided to stop being scared to post my jokes to my 800 followers. So I jumped in head first.
The diamond earrings say I'm a lady, but the Muppet Show T-shirt says I'm emotionally crippled and please validate me but don't talk to me.
— CandyWhore (@CruisinSoozan) August 29, 2015
On to the interview!
Single, never married. My mom got cancer in 2007 and passed away. Dad has lived with me since. On Twitter I refer to him as either The Senior or 70. Depends on how much he’s pissed me off that day.
What do you do when you’re not on Twitter?
Well, basically a lot. I work full time for a large retailer running their returns and shipping departments. Plus there’s taking care of 70, the dog and a parrotlet. Plus there’s crafts and wine to drink so yes Kate, I live a full life.
Why did you join Twitter?
I joined because I was sad and bored if we’re being honest. And you know what? I found my tribe. There were all these people living in my phone that I didn’t even know were there or how much I needed them and now they’re family.
Why do you tweet? what do you get out of it?
I started in 2009 as a quiet little tweeter only chirping to myself. Then I started finding fans of the TV show #NCIS. See? I can’t even type it without a hashtag. We are a loud, opinionated bunch in love with the show. With them I found a group of friends that have become closer to me than some family members. My smart-assed comments always got them riled up and laughing. I slowly started writing more jokes and making more friends. Once I found my feet last summer I started getting positive comments and I haven’t looked back. Seriously though, when someone takes time out of their day to DM you and say “You’re funny, you make me laugh, write more!” that fuel means so much to me.
How did you share your humor before Twitter? Have people always thought you were funny?
I’ve always been funny, yes. I acknowledged it early. My family and I went through some really difficult times and I learned that if someone is crying and you make them laugh, it helps. One of my earliest memories is being maybe four years old, and I was with my mom at my great grandmother’s deathbed. I literally started singing The Irish Rovers “Wasn’t That a Party” to the nurses when they started crying. Can you imagine? Mom was so proud. But I got the laugh. I always go for the laugh. Humour is my go to defense mechanism. You should have seen me at the Cancer Clinic when Mom was getting chemo. Unstoppable.
I don't want to alarm anyone but I've purchased a ukulele. Soon as I can jam, there'll be auditions for my band behind the 7-11.
— CandyWhore (@CruisinSoozan) October 19, 2015
Do you ever go through comedy dry spells where you just can’t come up with anything funny to say?
Yes. I constantly think every funny tweet is the last. I’m all, “Great. I peaked. It’s over. Time to get a cat and start wearing bedazzled track suits.”
Have you met anyone in person that you knew only from Twitter?
Back in Season one when I used my real name as my handle, I was cornered at Safeway by a woman I went to school with. “Are you on the Twitter?” “Oh crap.” Small towns, right? I blocked her BTW. I only know a handful of my followers in RL. The highlight reel includes the lady from the craft store whose husband gave her hell for reading my timeline in bed because the laughing woke him up and the crazy funny guy who taught me how to drive a forklift.
If you could meet anyone in person from Twitter who would it be and why?
Oh man, there are so many people that live in my phone that I want to meet. I would love to go on tour! There are people in every province and most of the States that I would love to have a glass of wine with. After my sister died in 2011, without @sandbar17 and @smackalalala… man, I don’t think I would have made it through without them. Also, I’d love to give @JustinGuarini a hug for standing up to a bully for me last November. Class act.
You’ve dealt with a lot of loss in your life. How do you think that’s shaped you as a person?
Yes, I’ve dealt with a lot of loss. Like, an abnormal amount, I think. The losses started so early in my life that I learned how to roll with the peaks and valleys. I mean, when the deaths of family members encompass your earliest memories it shapes everything. You learn to appreciate the good times, because the grief in your heart always reminds you to. I’m probably weirder now than I was ten years ago. I goof off all the time, I’m the one who says what everyone is thinking, I’m the one who starts the wave at hockey games, I’m the one who puts a goat in your car, I’m the one who asks the DJ to play the Chicken Dance… That saying “Dance like no one is watching” – Well, once you’ve stared at grief for so long, it’s like, you stop caring if people are watching you dance at all. Just dance. Eat the cake. Drink the wine. Life is too short. I’ve seen it too many times.
I'm feeling quite needy tonight. Could somebody come and tuck me in?
No funny stuff though. Okay – maybe some early Rodney Dangerfield.
— CandyWhore (@CruisinSoozan) January 7, 2016
Have you ever experienced a Twitter crush? Or been crushed on?
Who has time for that? There are crafts to do.
As your audience has grown on Twitter have your tweets changed?
Holy crap yes. Just writing more helps you find your style. I own my weird now. I’m naturally exhausting and having feedback has helped me tweak my weird to be more relatable.
What 80s/90s movie do you identify with the most?
This is by far the most difficult question Kate. If it’s written by John Hughes or has a Kenny Loggins soundtrack I am in love with it. I guess I’d say I have the adorability of Ferris Bueller, the sweet dance moves of Kevin Bacon’s Ren in Footloose and the emotional constipation of Maverick in Top Gun.
It’s now possible to RT your own tweets on Twitter. What are your thoughts on this? Have you done it? Will you do it?
I don’t do it, but I don’t care if others do. I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade.
I follow you on Instagram and although I’m not a huge dog person I love looking at pictures of your dog (and your bird), he’s so cute. Tell us about your pets.
Well Hank is a Boston terrier. He’s a genius and highly photogenic. He puts up with a lot when the props come out but gets paid well in treats and kisses. Jim is the new addition to the family. He is a green parrotlet with a penchant for pooping and biting. I joined IG about a year ago to get to know my favourite tweeters in a deeper more meaningful way. It’s like stalking but with more positive reinforcement.
You do art. How long have you been painting/arting? Do you sell your paintings?
Yes, I’m a crafty person. My mom always was super crafty, taught ceramics classes, sewing, painting, knitting… she could do it all. I was glad to inherit that gene. I have a kick ass craft room and posted some of my paintings on IG. I got great feedback. I grew up watching Bob Ross on PBS and love painting happy little trees. I sold a few paintings on eBay this summer to help raise money for the very awesomely hilarious @jackiembouvier’s GoFundMe for her cancer treatment. After that, a follower commissioned me to paint her a canvas for her new home. Well, after that much validation I thought I might as well open an Etsy shop and see what happens. I’m saving up for a wine fridge for the craft room. Etsy.com/ca/shop/soozanscraftroom
You also garden. I have a vegetable garden, so I’m interested in anything gardening. How long have you been gardening? You seem to know a lot about plants and flowers. You even have a fairy garden, right?
Yes I loved your garden pics this year! I adore my garden. Living this far north, the winters are October – April so when May hits I go crazy at the greenhouses. I had a lovely year with my Asiatic, tiger and stargazer lilies. I also grow tomatoes and sunflowers and have many pots and planters all over the yard. A few years ago a coworker introduced me to the world of fairy gardens. I mean come on. Have you see the crap you can buy for those? My whimsy goes full throttle and every year it gets better. I have some lovely ornaments and many odd little touches that really brightens up my yard. The gold spray painted dinosaurs are my favorite. And the teeny tiny outhouse was a pretty cool score this year. Everybody poops, right? The ladies at the hardware store demanded I bring them pictures once it was set up.
Just spooning my boyfriend…
Out of his container…
It's cake frosting.
— CandyWhore (@CruisinSoozan) December 28, 2015
Who are some comedians (or comedy shows/sitcoms) who have influenced you?
Wow. Great question. I grew up in front of the TV. It started with I Love Lucy and the Beverly Hillbillies and moved on to watching old Ed Sullivan reruns on PBS. I think that was my first taste of stand up. Rodney Dangerfield and Jonathan Winters. Wow. I was hooked. Then in ’82 I discovered SCTV. As a six year old who was surrounded by adults, (my sister was from mom’s first litter and was 12 years older than me) I totally got the jokes and fell in love with John Candy. Then in 1984 Mom ordered a Betamax from Sears. It weighed 200 lbs but I could watch all the stand-up videos I could find. Looking back, I shouldn’t have been allowed to watch Eddie Murphy’s Delirious and Raw when I was 9 years old but I’m glad I was. I watched everything. Absorbed it all. Then in the late 80’s the Kids in the Hall debuted on the CBC. They probably had the most impact on me. I still quote their sketches daily.
What advice do you have for someone who’s trying to get better at joke writing on Twitter?
Write what you know. If you have to reach too far for it, the joke won’t be there. I learned that the hard way. My most successful tweets are off the cuff responses to crap I’m dealing with at the moment.
Tell us something about yourself people on Twitter may not know.
Not many people know I have a twitter tattoo. A tree branch with 2 tiny blue birds for my twitter besties.
Get out! That is so cool! Can we see it?
Is there anything else you’d like to say/share?
Thank you Kate for your interviews. I really enjoy getting to know the people behind the funny.
My pleasure! Okay, name five tweeters whose tweets consistently make you laugh.
This is a tough one. I love so many. @HatfieldAnne should be a mandatory follow. She writes the most amazing tweets. @fuckabillyrex was the first tweeter I followed years ago that made me want to write jokes. He cracks me up like no other. @PFitzpa, @addledpixie, and @girlontapas are my go to accounts when I need a laugh after a crazy day.
I feel like senility is going to be a pretty smooth transition for me.
— CandyWhore (@CruisinSoozan) September 3, 2016
Thanks for the interview, Susan! Really enjoyed getting to know you better!
In case you missed it, last time on Beyond the Bio: @ramblinma
A butt-load of the funniest parenting tweets all packed into one place! – The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets, available on Amazon. Or try the original, The Big Book of Parenting Tweets. They make great gifts!