Check out the top 15 funniest tweets of January! I gathered all the tweets I retweeted this month and narrowed the list down to the 15 funniest. Then I included one of my own to make it 16 because…narcissist. Check it out!
How are we supposed to fear a storm named Grayson? I'm fighting an urge to iron its prep school uniform or ask it for investment advice.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) January 4, 2018
CW: Hey, What are you listening to?
Me: Slayer of course.
*turns down Chicago's Hard To Say I'm Sorry*
— Lord Goomba (@ObscureGent) January 5, 2018
Accidentally made eye contact with a coworker through the tiny crack in between the bathroom stalls so now I have to find a new job.
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) January 5, 2018
Fun fact: It’s technically not sleeping alone if a bag of gummy bears are next to you
— Doug Bies (@dougbies) January 7, 2018
“No!! I will not take you to McDonalds!” I exclaim in disgust in front of the organic moms at carpool. “…Because I already went.” I whisper as I shut the car door and hand them all nuggets.
— Cydni Beer (@themessednest) January 8, 2018
It’s exciting and hot to make-out with a perfect stranger but accidentally drink out of a stranger’s water bottle and we start dry heaving.
— eric (@ericsshadow) January 9, 2018
Imagine meeting the man of your dreams and finding out he's a civil war reenactor.
— SingleBabyMama (@_SingleBabyMama) January 11, 2018
Me: "Do you have any books about dating advice?"
Librarian: "Try the self-help section."
*5 minutes later*
Me: "Do you *looking down at a book* come here often?"
— Ian Sausage (@stephenjmolloy) January 11, 2018
Imagine if you got dumped at the bowling alley but you already paid for the game so you just had to stay & finish bowling alone.
— liVsy. (@liv_thatsme) January 13, 2018
I don’t need to use WebMD because my mother always knows a person who had something similar to me, and she remembers how they got rid of it.
— Underchilde (@underchilde) January 15, 2018
Depression is funny because you start off the day with so many goals and then BOOM you’re in your bed watching The Office and avoiding your friends.
— Clarissa Brooks (@ClarissaMBrooks) January 23, 2018
How many chores would a chore chart chart if a chore chart could chart chores?
None. It already slid under the fridge.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) January 23, 2018
Using self-checkout lane so I don't have to interact with anyone.
Scans first item.
Register: … "Please wait for assistance."
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 25, 2018
A woman in front of me is taking forever to decide on her coffee order. Might unleash the raw fury of my passive aggressive deep sigh but there are children watching
— Boog (@BoogTweets) January 26, 2018
You're going to miss this, I whisper to myself as I'm shot in the butt with a nerf gun while unclogging the toilet.
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) January 26, 2018
"What should I do today?"
*Sits in chair for three hours thinking about it*
— ❄Sardonic Tart❄ (@SardonicTart) January 27, 2018
All of these tweets made me laugh. How about you?
Links to previous Funniest Tweets lists:
Top 30 Funniest Tweets of 2017
Top 25 Funniest Tweets of 2016
Top 10 Funniest Photo and GIF Tweets of 2016
Want to read some of the BEST tweets about parenting from some of the funniest parents on Twitter? Check out The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets, available on Amazon. Or the original, The Big Book of Parenting Tweets.